Or, how Rachel made her New Year's resolutions, in a typically vague and untimely fashion.
1. Cultivate more art and beauty in my life. Wall-E is the last robot on Earth, and he was programmed to take huge piles of trash and compress it into small, manageable bricks. All day long. But the real joy in his lonely life comes from finding treasures amidst the offal - creating a sanctuary of beautiful things that speak to him - and a little Hello, Dolly! for good measure.
Yes, over the last 5 years I have come to better understand, embrace, and truly love the current season of my life, which involves a great deal in the way of laundry, pajamas, and bodily fluids and not so much in the way of elegance, culture, or daily showers. It has been a wonderful journey to learn new priorities and how to find joy and adventure without spending any money, or even leaving my neighborhood.
But this year I want to do more than have a clean house and fed children. I want to create, to learn, to surround myself with more of the things I loved so much before I became "too busy". To wit, I hereby resolve in 2009 to:
- read at least one book a month, the old-fashioned way, with pages and everything
- sing and play the piano more at home
- continue to overcome my ridiculous fear of the sewing machine, and make each of my children something with it for the warmer weather
- either take a course or read a book so I can be smarter than my (very smart) camera
I hope there will be many more ways I can find this year to beautify my home and my life, but that should be a good start at least.
2. Talk less, listen more. Wall-E is a great movie to have your kids watch from the other room, because there is almost no dialogue. It sounds like nothing is happening, but that couldn't be farther form the truth. The silence is so moving.
I'd like to share a story from a book I'm reading to further illustrate this point.
"While Wendy took a nap, nine-year-old Emory decided to surprise her by preparing the lasagne dish they had planned to take to a potluck party that evening.
When Wendy woke up and came into the kitchen to prepare the lasagne, she found Emory, covered with tomato sauce and standing in the middle of a tomato puddle, with tofu and cheese scattered all over the countertop. A baking tray was filled with ingredients that wanted very much to look like lasagne, but looked to her more like mashed potatoes in tomato soup.
Wendy was ready to explode. She didn't have time before the party to clean up the mess and make another lasagne. She took a deep breath and took a moment to be silent. She saw herself yelling and cursing, yanking Emory out of the kitchen, and forbidding him from going to the party. After the angry words and fantasies passed through her mind unspoken, she put her attention on Emory. Before she had a chance to say anything, Emory said, 'Mom, I made the lasagne. We only need to bake it and clean up. You can go back and sleep some more'".
I resolve, in 2009, to:
- allow my children to unfold before me, to make less effort to force them to understand me and more effort to understand them
- lay the groundwork so that when they are older, they will not fear my reaction but will be open and honest with me, no matter what they have done
This is not easy for me, but I have already started and when I can manage to quiet my mind and just listen to them, it is truly wonderful. I have a long, long way to go, but happily the year has only just begun!
3. Focus on the people in my life - the human connection. When Wall-E meets Eve, and their hands touch, you can actually see the sparks fly. Wall-E spends the rest of the movie chasing that moment, that feeling of butterflies, that electricity.
This year, I want to forge deeper personal relationships with the people in my circles. I want to get to know my children better and to be thrilled by their amazingly individual natures. I want to fall in love with my husband. I want to serve my friends and family, and open myself to their blackest pain and their most ecstatic joy. I want to make love all around me.
In 2009, I resolve to:
- spend at least a little time every day with each of my children individually, doing something they enjoy
- follow the Spirit and serve where I am called
- say what I am thinking, not to hold back expressions of love because of fear or inertia
I hope this means I have a little less time for surfing the internet, doing the dishes, and scrubbing the baseboards - nothing would make me happier.
2009, bring it on!
