It's time for a few more

Posted by The Wizzle | Posted on Saturday, October 30, 2010 at 8:50 PM


I've felt a new batch of letters coming on this week. Without further ado:

Dear 90 degrees,

No, not the band. I mean the weather. I believe I've made my position on this point quite clear, and now here you are, back again and most unwelcome. Seriously, GO AWAY. I heard on the radio today more 90 degree days forecast into next week, which, for the record, is NOVEMBER. I'm not having it. Pack your things, and toddle off to the Southern Hemisphere, where I am sure they are ready to embrace you with open arms.


A Heat-Intolerant Northern European Redhead

* * * * *

Dear Halloween,

I used to really enjoy your company. We've had some good times. I love dressing up, I like candy, I think pumpkins and spirits and witches and skulls and such are pretty dang cool. But since I was a child, you've bloated, metastasized, and otherwise expanded yourself from one night of ghoulish fun to an entire week of sugary, chaotic, stressful festivities. I'm tired. Children's costumes, no matter how lovingly assembled, are not designed to survive multiple launderings, and you can't seriously expect me to send them to eat lunch at the park one day, bob for apples another, and still another night consume cupcakes as big as their heads, without getting their precious outfits dirty! I love you, but I really think you make a much better one-night stand than a long-term relationship.


The Halloween Grinch

* * * * *

Dear Bearpaw Boots and Famous Footwear,

Because I am a rational human being, I wasn't ready to cough up $100+ for Uggs for my 4-year-old with imaginary, chronic "ant bites" on her ankles that evidently make most shoes and all socks mortally uncomfortable. But with your sale, I was able to indulge on her behalf in real sheepskin boots - and now that I have them, I concede that even if I had paid that much, they would have been worth it. You've saved me from a battle I've fought several times a day, every day, for the last 4.5 years, and that is truly priceless. And to think - I used to say they were ugly!

(Actually, they're still ugly, but they do beautiful things to the Whine-O-Meter in Eve's bedroom.)

Eternally grateful,

Mama Bear

Comments (2) are hilarious.

HA! HA! You argue your points so well. Even if the bad weather, Halloween, and the Bearpaw shoes could retort, they'd not have a leg to stand on.