An enigma wrapped in a mystery, or, Eve's 10 comandments of clothing

Posted by The Wizzle | Posted on Thursday, January 27, 2011 at 9:20 PM

9

1. Thou shalt only wear dresses, excepting when thou dost not wear dresses.

2. Shorts are right out, as they allow thy legs to become "cold".

3. Dresses are fine. Skirts are also fine. Thy legs shall not become cold in these items, as a sign that I am the Lord.

4. Socks and tights are an abomination akin unto the very burning pit of hell.

5. Sweaters, coats, and all other manner of outerwear are highly undesirable unless they are literally required to prevent one from freezing to death, and then shall not have tight sleeves or itchy parts and shall be removed as soon as danger of freezing has passed.

6. Shoes are to be avoided if possible. If not possible, they may be changed 5-7 times per day as a compromise.

7. Pants are acceptable if there are no dresses, or if the occasion is most suited to a dress, such as church, or meeting the Queen. Upon such occasions the pants shall not have adjustable waistbands with elastic bits that hang down and scratch about, nor itchy tags, nor shall they be tight upon thy ankles, not shall they rise high upon thy belly and encumber thee, nor shall they ride up into the area of thy "front bum" and cause great vexation.

8. Accessories may be worn, but they shall be discarded in a resting place from whence they did not originate, and shall not be worn for a duration exceeding 15 minutes - nay, not the scarf, nor the hat, nor the beaded necklace, nor the large sunglasses, nor the ear-jewels, nor the magic wand, nor anything not strictly necessary for avoidance of an indecent exposure charge shall be worn longer than this.

9. Any ensemble, outfit, or otherwise combination suggested by thy parental units, yea, and especially thy mother, shall be shunned. Loudly.

10. And yea, thy ballet class attire shall be held in the highest esteem, above all others, and shall be worn whenever possible, yea, even to the grocery store if thy mother wilst allow it.

P.S. In that picture, I know she looks like she's playing so nicely with the animals, and putting them to bed in their little nests for the winter, but she is actually attacking a baby seal with those polar bears and they are literally, with appropriate vocalization, ravaging it to pieces and eating it in her hot little hands. Do not underestimate this girl.

P.P.S. The giveaway, remember it? Tomorrow is the last day, and I want everyone who remotely wants to participate to do so, even if you are my best friend, or my mom (wait, my mom already entered) or you don't know me, personally, from Adam. Hello, people, this is a BLOG, and not a private one, so I promise I will not be offended if you tell me you read my blog and want to enter my giveaway when I don't already know you. I *want* people who aren't in my immediate local circle to read my blog! That is all. I love you guys!

Comments (9)

Thou art gifted with hilarity of the belly-laugh variety.

Besides the accessories she is a girl after my own heart! Sounds just like me when I was little.

At our house there is only one clothing commandment...

Thou shalt never part with the blessed and 'holey' pair of jeans and t-shirt. This shall be thy everlasting raiment forever and ever AMEN!

thanks for the laughs

Sabrina has about one commandment: Thou shalt NEVER, EVER wear pants!! (it has been over a year and we still cannot get her to put on a pair of pants!)

hahaha So funny! It brought back so many memories. My own daughter had some interesting preferences. She did have Barbies, for instance. But she had a great preference for Ninja Turtles, and it was their mission to kill all the Barbies..... She also had great disdain for anything pink or ruffly. Happy to say that her wardrobe does include some pink these days.

Count me in on the giveaway -- if it's not too late.

Wouldst thou please enter me in on the goodies? Thou hast made me laugh so profusely I cannot do it myself.

You are so creative! I love love love this post. Awesome!

Oh my GOODNESS! I was laughing SO. HARD!! *and I nearly didn't read it, as the length frightened me...*

THANK YOU!! :)

your too funny!