Letters

Posted by The Wizzle | Posted on Monday, January 31, 2011 at 3:22 PM

3

Dear Callie - or maybe Tiffany - I never can remember which,

I'm sorry to do this to you, because now it's going to be your job to fix it whenever I can afford to come in and see you, but I cut my own hair again today. It just had to be done. So now I no longer look like Shaggy. Instead I look like Dorothy Hamill. And I don't know what's worse: having a Dorothy Hamill haircut, or referencing Dorothy Hamill in the year 2011 and expecting people to know who you are talking about.

Don't answer that,

Rachel the Amateur Hairdresser

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LA Fitness: To Whom It May Concern,

I cannot in good conscience call you "dear" anything. You're lucky I was raised properly or I would call you something much more colorful. Your business model sucks, and if you thought I was just going to bat my eyelashes and admire your biceps while you signed me up for a 2-year membership and just sort of hoped I never figured it out, you are even dumber than you look. If you weren't 2 miles from my house, with a convenient yoga class, and if the pleasant burning in my quads wasn't reminding me not to eat 2 more slices of pizza right now (for which I truly am grateful), you would never see me again. As it is, please stop checking to see if I am wearing a wedding ring, give me my 2 week free trial membership, and try not to insult me any further.

You're on thin ice,

Mrs. Dixon

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To my good friends who are still in Kimball East Stake,

I moved my housewarming/birthday party a couple of weeks later in February and it turns out that Stake Conference is that weekend. Some of you are probably going to be conflicted about what to do. Let me make this real easy for you: I may not be a seasoned event planner, and my party is unlikely to feature an open bar, celebrity attendees, or wardrobe malfunctions, but I think I can say with some confidence that it will definitely be more fun than Stake Conference.

Righteously yours,

Rachel

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Dear Bathrooms,

Seriously, haven't I walked you through it enough times? Clean yourselves please, put the supplies back under the sink when you're done, and we'll all just forget how utterly disgusting you look right now.

The Management

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Facebook Pirate English Mode - avast, me hearty!

Just what I needed: a new, more entertaining way to waste time on your accursed website. My whole family thanks you, I'm sure.

Arrrrrrrrrrr,

Cap'n Flamehair

Comments (3)

Dear Housewarming Host,
We appreciate you moving your party, and are very sad we have to make such a difficult decision. I cannot speak for anyone else, but since we have not missed an adult session of ward conference in about 5 or so years, we decided it was high time. Although we love the adult session (we actually get to listen), I can't pass up this chance to see you and your colorful house!
Thanks for helping to make us less spiritual -
The McLains :)

Letters...always a hit.

Ha ha ha ha! SO many things I'm laughing at right now!! Ha ha ha!!

I must say my favorite is the hair. Shaggy was funny, but Dorothy Hamil is killing me! You're a doll, Rachel, whatever state you think your hair is in.

Ha ha ha! I love your wit!