How to Travel With Your Mom, by the Dixon children

Posted by The Wizzle | Posted on Thursday, March 17, 2011 at 2:54 PM


1. Ignore her. Nothing she says is of any consequence.

2. Any amount of toilet paper stuck to the bathroom floor is, however, of utmost importance, and cannot, under any circumstances, be left where it is.

3. Old rotten bits of food on the ground are also extremely valuable and must be ingested as quickly as possible. The grosser the ground, and the moldier the morsel, the greater the value.

4. While you and your siblings may have the same last name, do not be deceived: each child is a warring faction, and only one can be left standing at the end of the trip. There are no other rules of conduct. Every man for himself!

5. When in doubt, ask for a snack.

6. Or a treat.

7. Or a toy.

8. If your mom says something to your sibling, you can luxuriate in the absolute certainty that it does not apply to you. If there is something really important, she can say it directly to you.

9. And she can say it 6 times. That is the threshold at which you can safely pay attention. She has to earn your respect.

10. See if, next time, you can talk her into just planning a "vacation" that revolves around watching movies and eating Froot Loops.

Comments (6)

So you're having a good time then?

This is amazing.

*Laughing hard* Thanks, Rachel.

This should be published. :)

Universal, I tell you. Universal.

oh man. bad memories of chilhood family vacations just surfaced. hope you can still have fun

And you only took three kids....

Haha...brought back the memories!

I know, right Claudia?!

Your experiences driving a van full of kiddos to Utah and back every summer (with NO DVD PLAYER) definitely came up more than once on our trip. Our hats are all off to you!