Letters

Posted by The Wizzle | Posted on Wednesday, March 9, 2011 at 1:24 PM

5

Dear Boden,

I love your clothes. I have been very happy with my purchases, when I can afford to make them. And I love your beautiful catalogs, which you are so kind to send every few weeks. They seem like quite the undertaking: glossy, thick, and comprehensive. I imagine they cannot be inexpensive to produce. This afternoon, I received the latest edition, and it is a literal newspaper, as big as the Arizona Republic. I am writing to request that, instead of such extravagant advertising, you simply send me a check quarterly for the amount saved by the production and postage of the catalogs. I would also accept merchandise credit.

I'm flexible,

The Budget Clotheshorse

* * * * *

Dear Discovery Health and Fit Channel,

Look, I'll make it real simple for you:

1. Discovery Health and Fitness

2. Discovery Healthy and Fit

Pick one.

Regards,

The Grammar Nazi

* * * * *

Dear Costco,

Your chicken bakes are yummy. But they're huge. I don't need the whole thing, but it seems silly to only eat 2/3 of it when I've paid for all 810 glorious calories. You recently added another bake to your menu, this time stuffed with carne asada. I had hoped you might rectify the portion problem with this new addition, so I could put my mind at rest and my muffin top to memory.

But no. It's even bigger.

I'm so confused,

Hungry and Low on Willpower

* * * * *

Dear Laundry Day,

We've had many years together, you and I. It started off all right, but as time has gone by you've become more and more demanding and high-maintenance. The bloom is decidedly off the rose. I think I've made myself pretty clear, but you just don't seem to be getting the message. I don't like to be rude, but, well, you do rather force the issue.

I think we should see other people. I don't really care who you decide to shack up with, but as for me, I have to say that Pedicure Day is looking very attractive right now.

It's not me, it's definitely you,

Rachel

Comments (5)

Just this morning I was thinking about a Letters post! You never fail to amuse...

Hahahahaha. Love them.

Hilarious Rachel! Those Costco bakes ARE ridiculously huge!!

Ha ha ha! I vote Discovery Health and Fitness, yea on the chicken-bake downsizing, and definitely make a date with pedicure day! Maybe when you're here next week. I hear it's the one thing in LA that's cheaper here than other places!

... um ... I think we have a dirty laundry CROOK! It's been stalking my home incessantly.

Shameful.