A Day in the Life

Posted by The Wizzle | Posted on Friday, April 22, 2011 at 7:59 PM


6:30 am: Iris puts her fat face right in my face and kisses me on the mouth. I don't really care what time of day this happens, I always love it.

6:32: David gets up. I go back to sleep. I don't know what Iris does.

7:00: I hear Eve chattering out there somewhere, so I get up. David leaves for work. I do (some of) the absolutely crustified dishes in the sink - I'm still reeling from making a double giveaway batch of friendship bread 2 days ago. Eve does some watercolors:

7:20: Cleaned up one mess, time to make another one. Scrambled eggs and raisin toast with butter and cinnamon sugar. Uuuuuuummmmmmmmm.

7:30: Breakfast is ready just as Devlin strolls into the kitchen. Perfect.

7:32: I remember I am doing this blog post. Crap. Better start taking some pictures and writing stuff down.

7:35: Eat, clean up kitchen some more. This is going to be an ongoing process.

7:48: Send kids in to get dressed. I continue cleaning.

7:58: I get dressed for the gym. Iris comes into my room wearing her Pull-Up from last night and a button-up polka dot cardigan, on upside down. Will you ever forgive me for not taking a picture of this?

7:59: I tell her to go back and get dressed.

8:03: Iris comes into my room wearing nothing. Downgrade.

8:07: A few more last-minute touches on the kitchen, run the dishwasher. Yes, it's the kind of day when we run the dishwasher at 8 in the morning. And after all this cleaning, when we leave the house the kitchen looks like this:

8:08: Eve and Iris are trying to kill each other. This is, to the best of my understanding, because Iris wanted to get dressed "DO IT MAAAAAHHHHSEEEELLLLFFFF!!!" and Eve was trying to help her.

8:09: Iris dresses herself.

8:11: Leave for gym. I notice our recycling bins are not rolled out and pray the truck doesn't come before I get back because I don't have time to go back and do it now.

8:25: Arrive at gym. Drop off kiddos at childcare. This is what they look like. Everyone dressed themselves, Iris's shoes are on the wrong feet, no one's hair is combed. Do not care.

8:30: Aaaaaaaahhhhhh. A blissful, child-free, QUIET, sweaty hour of yoga, where I discover I can do something I thought I could not do. However, I am a long way off from being able to do it *and* take a picture of myself.

9:35: Pick up kids from gym childcare. Devlin gets his shoes and holds the door for Iris, who beams and sighs "Maaaaaamaaaaa!" Eve sulks and pretends not to see me. This is exactly how it happens every single time.

9:40: Drop by the house to grab 2 bananas and water for a snack before heading out to a fun little boutique thing. (Seriously, do you still not read I Heart Mesa so you can find out about this stuff too? Go on, the boutique is tomorrow too, and just tell them I sent you over. It's going to be fine.)

9:41: Notice neighbor rolling his bin back up the driveway. Dang it. Missed the truck.

9:49: Leave for boutique

10:00: Drop by bank to deposit check, type boutique address into GPS.

10:05: GPS is wrong. Pull into McDonald's parking lot to get bearings. Kids lose their sweet little minds and beg to go in and have lunch. (Remember, they have eaten twice in the last two hours.) I smile an evil smile and bribe them with lunch at Mickey D's if they are good at the boutique. They enthusiastically agree.

10:10: Arrive. Whoa, cute!

10:11: Eve has permission to wander, within sight of me, GENTLE GENTLE GENTLE, with a one-strike-and-you're-out policy for overenthusiastic rocking of antique cradles or twirling within arm's reach of, well, anything. Devlin sits on a bench with my phone to play Angry Birds. Iris is in Hedgie Prison (the stroller.)

10:12: I'm looking for a chest or something to keep our TV-watching, fort-building blankets in. The current system is Not Working For Me. This is pretty good, but a little too "shabbied up" for me, and more than I want to spend:

10:15: Well, hello there. $45. You might just work.

10:25: I can't take the stroller in the house to look at the rest of the stuff, so I park it outside and sit Devlin in it to watch my purse. I carry Iris. This cannot last long.

10:27: It doesn't. Iris gets to wander for approximately 3 minutes before she gets herself buckled again. Little wild thing:

10:30: I decide to buy the little blue cabinet. I do not have any cash. Gee, I was just at the bank a few minutes ago, that would have been a really good time to think of that.

10:38: Back at bank. Wheeeee! Good thing we have audiobooks in the car so even the driving is interesting. (We're working our way through the Chronicles of Narnia - Prince Caspian at the moment).

10:55: The table is mine and it's in the van! I love my van. Everything fits in there.

11:08: After some deliberation about which location is both on the way home and least likely to be populated with, well, the kind of people you often see at McDonald's, we head to the outpost at Country Club and McKellips. The kids really do deserve it. They were great at the boutique.

11:15: Note pre-teen boy in the photo behind our table. He was one in a series of children who were at this McDonald's for long periods of time in what appeared to be a caretaker role with several younger siblings. Never saw a parent. Best I can figure, the kids have off school today and the parents don't have off work. I guess if I was in charge of 4 younger siblings at the age of 11 I would take them to McDonald's too. Actually, that's what I do now. Nevermind.

11:25: I realize everyone else has had their picture taken today except me. I look, and feel, spectacularly unattractive. The other McDonald's patrons are probably wishing they had chosen another location not populated by unwashed, scantily clad mothers who sit and read while their children reach three-digit decibels on the playground. Keepin' it real.

11:45: Food eaten, the kids have been playing for ages while I surf and play on my phone, since I forgot the book I just started (The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo - yes, I like to do things 5 years after everyone else). I am actually starting to think I am an excellent mother for bribing them with trash food because they are having such a whale of a time playing in the playplace. I can hear snippets that lead me to understand they are explorers, with a "calculation fort", and Iris is apparently a monster.

11:50: I quietly disappear and come back with 4 little ice cream cones.

12:00: Eve has to go to the bathroom. NOW NOW NOW. I insist that she put her shoes on, because I was in that bathroom with Iris a little while ago and going in with bare feet will certainly, certainly result in her contracting syphilis or dysentery at the very least. She tries to remove her hands from her crotch to comply and looks at me, panicked. "I can't take my hands away or I will pee", she whispers.

12:01: I carry Eve to the bathroom and set her down on the toilet.

12:10: Hand sanitizer all around. Depart McDonald's.

12:30: Home. Iris in bed, reluctantly, placated with the promise of a Backyardigans episode when she awakes.

12:35: The big kids are doing various small chores as consequence for failing to put pajamas back in drawer upon removal, leaving shoes under kitchen table, etc etc etc. They have asked that I not yell, so I am handing out chores instead when I see something that makes me feel like yelling. It's every bit as satisfying, and they like it better. Win win. Thanks for the idea, Auntie Em!

12:37: While they unload the dishwasher, feed the tortoise, and locate my missing Buddha statue, I reorganize the "toy library" and take out the garbage.

12:50: I start Eve in a bath (she hasn't had her hair washed in at least 4 days) while I set to work on the dag blasted kitchen again.

1:05: Dev has a shower. I can never seem to leave enough time at the end of the day for this stuff. Is it just me?

1:13: Devlin and Eve try to come to an agreement about what show to watch (I'm so mean and only let them watch one). They cannot have a reasonable discussion even with me mediating it so I send them to separate rooms for a few minutes while they cool off.

1:15: Set the tortoise in his biweekly soak, prepare to mop the kitchen. It simply must be done.

11:18: Text from my sister. She's in Blythe, coming into town for her baby shower tomorrow. Yay!

1:19: Devlin and Eve resume show negotiations.

1:33: They finally come to a decision. After a number of false starts, they arrange to watch Devlin's show of choice (Mythbusters), but Eve gets to pick the episode without any persuasion from her brother, plus two future "draft picks" (aka she gets to choose the next two shows they watch together).

1:40: Put tortoise back in his tank, try in vain for three solid minutes to open the bottle of hand soap I just got so I can wash the "tortoise" off my hands. It's defective. Silently deliberate whether it is worth it to drive all the way back to Whole Foods where I bought it (15 miles) so I can return a $5 bottle of soap. Poooooooo.

1:45: I deserve something nice after all this work. I bring my new cabinet in the house and fill it with blankets!

1:55: I finally actually, really start sweeping the floor so I can mop it.

2:15: It is finished. Does this mean I can finally get a shower?

2:20: Make bed first. Then shower.

2:30: WOW, that felt amazing. Best shower ever.

2:45: I'm all ready to go. But I can hear Devlin and Eve playing in the other room, and they are getting along so well that I just decide to stay in my room so I don't mess it up. I text my friend, I read, I curl my eyelashes.

3:00: I cannot believe this. These two love to play together, but it doesn't usually last very long before it devolves into wrestling, jousting, or boxing. From the sound of it, though, they have devised an elaborate war strategy game involving plastic Easter eggs.

3:05: Emerge reluctantly to get Eve dressed for ballet.

3:10: Iris wakes up, bleary-eyed and wild-haired, and the first words out of her mouth are "Watch Bakigans?" She is very, very sad when I tell her we need to leave to take Eve to ballet, so I offer to let her watch an episode in the car as a compromise.

3:15: Leave for ballet.

3:30: Arrive at a dance studio that is entirely closed for Good Friday. Hmmm. Maybe I should start reading that blog they keep talking about so I can know about updates like this?

3:35: Go to Target, since that was what I was going to do while Eve was at dance anyway. We lost the girls' wide-tooth comb, and we simply cannot function without it. And there were...some other things too. Hopefully I can remember them while I'm in there!

3:40: Catch up on this entry in the parking lot.

3:45: Realize I forgot to put on deodorant. Good thing we're in Target. I think they sell deodorant.

3:50: I happily pay $4.91 for a drink and popcorn x3 as advance payment for good behavior in Target. I like bribery.

4:00: These carts need some dang cupholders. Three unsecured cups of Hawaiian Punch is not going to end well.

4:35: Leave Target for my parents' house. My sister and her husband are there with some of his family setting up for the shower tomorrow.

4:50: Does it look awesome or what?

4:52: Camera battery dies. I didn't get a picture to prove that I showered and got dressed today, but I promise I did.

4:55: We sit around and talk for awhile. So nice. Until Iris pees on her pants. Like, all over them. It's not really her fault. When you're a girl, and you have to sit to pee, and the toilet is designed for someone three times your size, sometimes it just doesn't work out. And then you pee on your pants, even though you're sitting on the potty. It's complicated.

5:40: We stop at home on the way to dinner to get Iris some new pants.

5:45: Arrive at Tia Rosa's. Enjoy, amazingly, a lovely dinner. Only one drink was spilled, and it was water. And Iris peed on her pants one more time, but other than that it was perfect.

7:10: Arrive home, put kids to bed.

7:30: Start this mammoth undertaking.

8:00: My parents, Jacob, and Emily come over and we spend the next 2 hours watching Auto-Tune the News, Rebecca Black, and the Double Rainbow video on the Apple TV. This is every bit as entertaining as it sounds.

10:30: Say goodbye to my family until tomorrow, and start wrapping this blog up!

11:45: Well, that was exhausting. I...just...if you think this is boring, please don't tell me. It took so long. Just say something nice, okay? Thank you, good night.

Comments (6)

I can't believe that was all one day. I'm sure it is a normal day in the life of any regular mom, but who ever has time to keep track? I'm impressed. We visited McD's today too. I swear I will never set foot inside the disgusting and trashy one at Val Vista & McKellips. When I say disgusting & trashy, I am mosty referring to the other customers there but it was pretty dirty too. I will go out of my way to Brown & Higley next time. It's worth the extra few miles! And cupholders on the Target carts...AMEN SISTA!!!

Having done these many times before, I appreciate the effort! It was a fun read for me!

This post entertained me for about 15-20 minutes. I had to stop a few times to take care of my own little ones, ages 4 and 5. It's nice to know that the little quirky things that happen in my day are also happening somewhere else in the world. Going to sign up to be a follower as soon as I am done posting this comment. Something about your blog has me capitvated and I can't wait for more!!!! Putting you on my "Dailys" list of blogs to read.

Whew! Thanks for sharing.

I LOVE these posts and your future self will love them, too. Glad the chore thing is working out. Hooray! You're amazing, Rachel. Utterly amazing. What a day!

Love the table! I guess I'll have to start reading I heart mesa! Thanks for linking up to the My Dear Trash Earth Day Party!