Pickup Line

Posted by The Wizzle | Posted on Sunday, May 29, 2011 at 10:17 PM

10

I didn't post on Friday. It was the day of the girls' dance recital, and while I am delighted to report that it all went relatively well, there was no way I was posting the videos by the time we got home and put everyone to bed.

Iris had to stay until the bitter end to participate in the curtain call with her big sister (it was so worth it), and I have come to the conclusion that I absolutely hate dance recitals.

I don't hate performances, and I love watching my girls dance, but the whole "recital" process is just so overblown and complicated, so fraught with peril. So many opportunities for me to mess up, in a big way! I can't be late, I can't get lost, camera batteries, bobby pins, lipstick, gloves, hats, safety pins, hairspray, and two shoes for each girl must be remembered, and trying to keep a two-year-old from snagging her tights and smudging her mascara? And I pay for the privilege of watching them do what I watch them do every week during class?

Just shoot me. Seriously, do it. Any gun. I'm not picky.

That said, the girls were so amazing and when I get the videos on YouTube (at the rate it's going, should be about 15 days) they will be here for your enjoyment, if you are my immediate family, and your annoyance if you are not.

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In the meantime, I leave you with a little mockery of strangers for your Sunday evening entertainment.

Last week, after Eve's last day of school, we went to McDonald's to celebrate. I pulled into a sweet parking spot right in front of the door, next to a white work truck containing two men in painter's clothes. I was dressed up a little for the preschool program, and as I leaned into the van to unbuckle the girls from their car seats, I suddenly became acutely aware of the fact that I was wearing a tight skirt and, well, my butt. You know how your butt kind of takes center stage when you lean over a car seat?



When I emerged with one daughter on my hip and another holding my hand, blushing to my hairline, sure enough those two guys were not making any attempt to pretend they were looking at my floor mats.

As I closed the sliding door and tried to squeeze between my side view mirror and that of the truck to my left, one of my admirers spoke.

"Is that a new haircut?"

I think it took me a full minute to decide what to say.

"Uh, no, I think I had it cut about a month ago." Confused smile. Do I know this guy?

"Oh, well, it looks new".

No dude, I just told you it's not new. How can a haircut look "new"? You have no frame of reference here. Anyway, you weren't looking at my hair, remember?

"Well, it still seems to be...working really well."

I laughed out loud, no longer the least bit intimidated, said thank you and have a nice day, and walked into McDonald's with my head held high.

Even if it was a dim bulb in coveralls, I have to admit that it's not so bad to know one's rear view, or one's "haircut", is worthy of the admiration of strangers, old married lady though I might be.
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Entertain me while I wait for my videos to upload! What's the strangest pickup line you've ever been privileged to receive?

Comments (10)

If I were a stoplight, I'd turn red every time you passed by just so I could stare at you a little longer.

Boy (pointing at the Eiffel Tower charm on my necklace: "Isn't that the Eiffel Tower?"
Me: "Yes."
Boy: "That's French, right?"
Me: "Yep."
Boy: (grabbing said necklace and pulling my face close to his)"You know what else is French?" ;)

(At Wal-mart, where all strange human interatctions occur):

A guy came up to me and asked me out to dinner (he was actually really polite and kind of shy-acting). I smiled, apologized, and said I was married (holding up my hand with the ring on it). He immediately became really rude and told me that I didn't have LIE about being married--I could have just said no if I wasn't interested. He stalked off, and I was very confused about what had just happened!

(At Wal-mart, where all strange human interatctions occur):

A guy came up to me and asked me out to dinner (he was actually really polite and kind of shy-acting). I smiled, apologized, and said I was married (holding up my hand with the ring on it). He immediately became really rude and told me that I didn't have LIE about being married--I could have just said no if I wasn't interested. He stalked off, and I was very confused about what had just happened!

Vanessa
http://vdh2a.wordpress.com

The old classic..."How YOU doin'?" from a teenage boy/girl (I honestly could NOT tell at all, which made it all the worse) in line at a Mongolian BBQ.

When I was in college I worked on a movie set for a really awful horror movie, and the assistant director was a total creep. There are too many lines to choose from, but my friend Jason's favorite line he used on me was when I was asked to bring him a coffee from the craft table, and to "Put my finger in it to make it a little sweeter." That still icks us out, ten years later.

Oh wow, you guys, some of these are blowing my mind. Do these ever work? On anybody? Why do people keep trying them?!

My video upload failed overnight, by the way, so I had to start over. I require more entertainment!

I had just left Wells Fargo on Ventura Blvd. and while I was driving home, a guy pulled up beside me and motioned for me to roll down my window. He said he'd seen me in the bank and asked if I'd ever been asked out on the road! I was really shocked, thinking he was gonna tell me to turn my lights off or something. I told him thanks, but I was very happily married (and pregnant, actually, but I left that out.) Pretty awesome, I thought.

I too was in Micky D's when I was picked up by a very nice gentleman. I say gentleman because he was polite and also about the same age as my father (the guy was wearing a hat stating that he was a Vietnam Veteran.) I was wearing my knee length wool coat that I got for $10 at the D.I. and he came up to me and remarked that he loved my coat, "You never see coats like that anymore, that one looks just like one my mom had." At first I was really pleased with my retro fashions while I stood in line, then as I was getting my food he came up again and asked me if I'd like to go to dinner with him sometime. I turned bright red and told him "I'm sorry, I'm happily married."

He was really nice about the whole thing, and I was kind of flattered. Totally skeeved out, but kind of flattered.

Nice. You are totally hot.
Recently I was driving alone and a car full of happy teenage boys pulled up next to me at a stop light. They were all smily and whatnot, nice kids. Saying hey to me. Then they asked me how old I was. I said "how old do you think I am?" One said "19." I laughed aloud. "Nope." He said "17." I said "nope!" pleased. Maybe he was just kidding but I'm gonna pretend he wasn't. He said "older?" I said "yep." He said "25." I said "27." Then he saw the carseats in the back and looked shocked and said "you've got a kid." I said "I've got 2." Then they laughed and offered me some french fries.