Update

Posted by The Wizzle | Posted on Tuesday, May 3, 2011 at 7:50 PM

4

Okay, a couple of people said that if I figured out how to get on top of things a little bit, I should share. I wouldn't go so far as to say that I have everything sorted, but I did have a much better day today and I'll share my advice on how I accomplished this:

1. First of all, if you don't have a hilarious toddler, I suggest you lay ahold of one. It is really hard to be grumpy very long when you have an Iris Baby waddling her massive curly head all around your house.



2. If you are stressed because you need your partner to help you do some projects, you might want to consider, oh, I don't know, talking to him about it. You never know. He might just turn out to be calming, helpful, and generally awesome.

3. Make a list. I hadn't wanted to make a "honey-do" list, because David is working all hours and going to school and I didn't want to be a nuisance. I was trying to do everything myself. But no matter how capable I might be in some areas, drywall anchors and drill bits and such just really seem to respond better to the Y chromosome in this house. I made him a list, we're prioritizing it tonight, I already feel better.

4. Eat brownies. Not too many. But it does help.

5. Take a nap. Even a short one will do.

6. Go visit your mother-in-law. No, seriously. What, doesn't everybody have one as awesome as mine?!

7. Do some things you like. I played the piano, went to a yoga class, and talked to my sister on the phone. Got a lot of mileage out of those.

8. Cross a couple of things off your list. Just pick a couple of easy, doable ones, and take the day off (that means "stay home") and git 'er done. Today I folded *all* the laundry and cut, hemmed, pressed, and hung Devlin's curtains. Pics tomorrow. It feels gooooooooood.

* * * * *

David has spent the last couple of years working from home. There was a spectacular learning curve. I thought it would be wonderful, but for a long time we were under each other's feet, miscommunicating, and generally expecting totally different things from the experience (he thought it would be like the office, but in his pajamas. I thought I would have occasional childcare during naptime etc. Huge NO on both counts.)

Then we got the hang of it, and it was fantastic. We moved, he got a designated office. With a door. (Upgrade.) The kids loved having him around where they could poke their sweet little faces in the office every so often and say hi. I am an extravert and just having another adult human body in the house somehow makes everything more bearable for me. And the commute? What commute?

It was great.

Then he got promoted.

I'm not complaining. But now he's back to the office, working two jobs for all intents and purposes, he's in school at nights, and we're struggling to find the balance again. He's trying to find time and focus to work out, eat right, and take care of himself, which makes him want to take care of me too. I'm trying to remember to involve him in our family activities when it's possible, instead of going on single-parent-ish autopilot and forgetting how much I like having him around. We forget to communicate (he just doesn't like to do it, I give up and stop trying). We're struggling to find time to relax and reconnect in the evenings while still making a dent in the (necessary) to-do list.

It's going to be okay. We're good people, and good parents, and we can do this. But man alive, does everyone have this much trouble when things shift around a little bit? It's like we have to relearn how to be roommates, partners, parents, and friends all over again.

I think I need another brownie.

Comments (4)

Oh man Rach. That is hard. I've thought the same thing about Greg working from home. But those days are so much more stressful on both of us. You hit it on the head with communication. That is so key - and so Difficult. Why is that? Good thing you have that curly-headed toddler (so so so dang cute) and brownies around.

Well that orange thread came in handy for something! Yes! Nice to see you today.

Trevor works from home almsot every day too. It's great for the most part. I see him more than I ever have since we've been married! And he can be an occasional nap sitter if I'm staying nearby and can rush home immediately to take over once they awake. But it doesn't make it any easier to get stuff done! Only me focusing on a task and buckling down and doing it will actually work. I like your idea of a list. Crossing things off is so rewarding. Plus, sometimes I forget things, like clean the bathroom, until the next morning when I'm getting ready and notice it again! So lists are good! And yes, I have the most AWESOME mother-in-law!!!

Rachel, I know how you feel. J.R. and I have done this routine several times. He is working out of the home for 2 years then in the home for a couple, then back out for another year and now back home again. It is always the same craziness for the first couple of months, until that family adjusts again.
You would think by now we would know what to do in both situations, but the family keeps changing and needs change, so it requires time to adjust again.
Communcation is the biggest factor for any change. If you are both getting frustrated then pick just one topic a night and work it out so that both of you are on the same page. Don't over kill the "To Do's" right now. Most can wait a little bit til the family is on a better schedule. Like you said, just pick a couple a day and be happy with that.
Keep the faith and brownies handy. It will work out!!